the GAZA starvation

 I was writing this because I was very sad and rage towards the responsible people over whats is happening in Gaza. This morning, I saw a post in tiktok about Amir. 10 years old boy who came to get food for his mom. He went there alone to get the food supply. you guys can easily find his story everywhere in the social media platform and I was so grateful that his story reach the world even thought he died during that scene. Anthony Aguilar shares the story on how this boy came to him and said "thank you" and he kissed his hand. I mean...the politeness of him even though he is in such hurry and hunger to deliver the food with his mom waiting at home not knowing how long it been since his last food. How dare the IDF shoot him. He is just a boy! He is so small and weak. his physical clearly shown that he has no arms and he is just trying to survive. A civilian!!! The world is so sick. 

CROSS BOUNDRY DAH dibolehkan!!

 woa.....memang sangat2 lama dah tak tulis anything kat blog. this time we still in a phase of cmco or maybe pkpd (tiber bahasa) pkpd tu maksudnye darurat. tapi sekarang tiba2 dah tak pkpd and boleh rentas negeri. kinda weird and sometimes I think macam gov. dah give up. dengan semua ni. yela, sekarang gov pun mcm tgh problem. dulu masa first pkp kemain semua support kau2 gomen, puji2 menteri buat great decision in confronting covid. But now, ape pun gomen decide smua kene bash. aku tak paham la netizen2 ni. 

so the point sekarang is, aku nak cakapaku dah boleh balik kg after 2 months maybe tak balik kg. I really miss my family. tapi kes sekarang tgh tinggi and tempat kerja aku pun dekat dengan TOP GLOVE. fuihh...disebabkan oleh golongan top glove, kawasan kapar jadi darurat. tapi nak buat cane, sendiri kene hati2 la. 

mule2 dulu aku tanya mak aku, boleh tak balik kg, sebab gov allow kite balik dgn approval dr polis. tapi sebab abang aku ade baby kat rumah, so we kinda thinking about someone else before take action nak balik. so mak aku kata "..jangan balik.." then last week maybe mak aku pun macam dah rindu kat aku kot, tibe2 dia kata.."baliklaaaa" hahhahahha..we all human, we change our mind a lot of time. depends on your strenght la. 

semalam pun kes 953 kes tempatan and selangor alone reach 277 kes. worry, of kos la. takut, especially untuk org macam aku yang banyak2 penyakit ni. very fragile sampai pernah fikir akan mati soon. masa tu kat ig feed aku semua pasal mati. kisah2 kubur and bende2 yang menginsafkan. very scary though. actually bende yang mengingatkan kita pasal mati ni bagus, tapi kalau berlebihan pun tak bagus. sbb macam tak boleh nak focus kerja and life. semua benda jadi takut nak buat. nak pegi kerje pun takut accident la ape. kesimpulannya bersedehana dalam semua benda. tuje. 

then what i did masa tu is I called my bff cakap kat dia pasal perasaan aku tu. sbb nanti kalau aku mati, at least ada org tau yang aku pernah confess rasa tu. or maybe boleh kurangkan rasa buang tebiat tu. hahhahahaha kebodohan apakah ini.

okay, now almost time to go back home. tak sabar and hopefully selamat sampai ke destinasi..

This is How my last 20th moment was ruined

 Well, maybe later kalau umur aku panjang la.. mase aku dah tua nanti bila aku baca balik diary aku kat blog ni aku akan ketawa or otherwise. Because to me it is important to release some burden in my mind somewhere. So, dear self.. kindly noted that during this writing I was in my period (lol) and I extremely upset with something right now. 

At first aku plan to come to Kuantan to spend time untuk holiday. Pastu tiber kakak aku nk ikut and so did my mother. Mase tu aku fikir .. “.ok chun ah!” Biar ramai baru meriah. I was aiming to go do watersports dgn harapan yg lain akan join aku.  So mase tu tiber2 aku terfikir mcm nk beli drone, it would be awesome kalau dapat engrave memory guna drone. Dan-dan ade sales 9.9 mase tu. Aku pun sanggupkan pakai duit saving aku untuk beli drone. Mase tu aku dpt 2k untuk bundle mavic mini.(ni je mampu) pastu aku tgk2 phone storage aku dah full and aku takkan boleh fly drone aku kalau pakai phone lama ni. So mase tu aku pun rasa this is the right time to buy new one and dgn berat hati aku beli cash ip11 walaupun harga dia akan drop next week nya sbb ip12 release. Sbb aku punya holiday is hari Malaysia (16.9.2020) so tak sempat nak tggu harge jatuh. Aku pun beli... again I used my saving yg aku kumpul setahun utk beli rumah tu. Hmmm...

---

Kita selalu terlalu yakin yg plan will goes as planned. But aku lupa pulak pasal kejadian2 sebelum ni where plan tak jadi and aku frust menonggeng. Huhu.. and sejarah telah berulang. But this time bukan sbb tak boleh pegi, tapi sebab ade orang tak nak pegi. Aku je yang beriye rupenye. Penat kot drive dari shah alam g kuantan-kuala terengganu. Pastu tibe2 Mak aku kata dia tak nak pegi pulau. Then kawan aku pulak kan semua dah kawin. So dia tak dapat la teman kan aku sbb ade baby kena jaga. And husband dia tak bagi sebab last minit sgt. 

Apa yang aku sedihkan is this is sept. And if aku nak pegi pulau kene pegi next year sebab start oct. ombak besar tak boleh lagi pegi laut. Secondly, this is my last 20th moment. Disebabkan covid-19, tahun ni tak dpt nak fully utilised but when there’s a chance tapi aku terpaksa batalkan sebab family aku tak sporting. And aku berikat perut tahan perut untuk bulan ni sebab aku dah habis 6K untuk prepare barang nak pegi ni. Tapi finally it goes to waste. I am really really upset now especially to my mother, because semua orang have to follow her decision. Yela, takkan nak tinggal dia sini sorang2. Lagipun dia orang tua. So kena hormat and jaga hati dia. Aku terpaksa mengalah walaupun muke aku ni bitter. Mcm makan jering. Tapi sbb tak nak dia terasa hati, so aku pun buat2 macam biasa. ( dalam hati tuhan aje tau & semoga ada hikmah disebalik sume ni).

Tapi mase ni aku banyak jugak terfikir pasal orang kalau dah meningkat usia, they will behaving like a child. Like my mother.. mase makan she always said  “I don’t know what to eat, order je la pape, mak tak tau lah ape menu dia ni” padahal nasi, spaghetti sume tu dia tau je natang jadah tu sbb selalu masak kat rumah. Even kita explain this is what, that is what..ok now choose. Still dia buat muke like kids, macam I don’t know myself. I don’t know what I want. Even the food that I want to feed myself. Idh preferences to the things i want in life. Sometimes ni kalau aku dgn member mmg kene pelangkung la nak mengada2 acah innocent. Tapi bila aku fikir.... orang pernah cakp orang yang dah berusia dia akan behave macam ni and somewhat aku rasa kesian. Sebab aku rasa mak aku tak sedar benda ni jadi kat diri dia. And it also buat aku fikir nnt kalu aku dah tua, aku mcm ni. Ya Allah.. permudahkan la masa tua aku nanti (kalau panjang umur) .

So apa yang aku rasa sekarang ni aku sangat2 terpaksa mengalah and at the same time aku kecewa and marah. Tapi aku kena pretend like I am ok. Got it.. ok sekarang laut tu, and jetty ke pulau kapas tu very near and kalau aku nak pegi sorg boleh, tapi still aku tak dpat enjoy la sbb pegi sorg. Mana dapat fly drone sambil main kayak. O and another thing yang aku sedih tu sebab from last year aku attempt banyak tempat nak main kayak tapi tak dapat sbb ombak besar la, sebab resort tak sediakan equipment la.. macam-macam reason and halangan. Tapi aku sure kat kapas boleh kayak sebab aku pernah berkayak dulu dgn member aku mase zaman belajar. Tapi apakan daya..tak dapat la g. 

Kejap lagi aku nak jupe aina. Nak pegi spend masa dgn dia. Maybe dgn bercakap2 je instead of filling that time with watersport. Hmmm.. my family nak pegi pusing2 Kuala Terengganu tapi aku tak nak join sebab aku dah banyak kali datang sini senanye. Dah tak heran pun dengan sume ni. And to me sightseeing and shopping ni macam side dishes je. The main course is nak pegi snorkelling and kayak sebenanye. So stakat side dishes tu, tak yah pun tak pe.

Aku ade sikit la rase bersalah sbb ade kawan aku yg tak dpt jupe mak ayah dia sebab COVID-19. Border tutup lagi. I’m a bit envious dengan orang yang ada good relationships dengan parents ni. Mcm aku tak, sbb aku dr kecik tak ade sesi heart to heart dgn parents aku. Parents aku style classic parents. Diorg tak create bonding tu dgn anak-anak dia so bila dah tua bangke ni.. we try to build that all tapi still tak sama dgn org yang dari kecik ade close relationships dgn parents ni. I admit that we do have a lot of uncommon opinions in so many ways sebab cara aku membesar and environment aku membesar, diorang tak tau.. so aku sgt jealous kalau org tu boleh nk rindu2 dgn parents. Coz I’m not. Tapi aku tak salahkan diorg la sbb tanpa diorg aku tak wujud pun. Tanpa diorg aku tak akan jd org yg ade mindset mcm ni pun. I was shaped by their  money and sacrifices. So I should appreciate them.