Talking About Love?

Nah... here I am today as a grown up lady whose trying to talk about her love journey. Sound yuck.. but yeah I need to experience it, bcoz im gonna turn 29 this year. Old enough to be a mummy. Honestly I don’t want to discuss or tell anyone about this love life but I just need to spit it somewhere without hurting anyone’s feeling. *coz here nobody that i know going to see it.

As I’m grow older, I have collected many love experiences in my life. For sure everyone has gone through different kind of love stories and it sometimes quite similar with yours. All we have to do is listen and learn, and of course we try to respect every humans feeling when we got hurt. Becoz being hurts is painful.

I personally doesn’t have any official relationships now and then. But I think i can say that it was “a love feeling”.

My first crush in my life was my friend in my college. He was
my roommate’s classmate. I saw him from my friend’s class photo and decided to get to know him by adding him in FB and it goes smooths as he becoming my friend for almost 7 years before we start hanging out together. And at that time I was ready to upgrade this relationship into another level. But what can I say, as we be friend this past 6 years, we only met once and of course to go see him in person, i feel embarrassed so that moment I brought my bff to accompany me. Then bammmm!! They were fall in love and here i am.. suddenly turned as a third wheeler or backstage person. But its alright now. At first I feel betrayed and I cried a lot. It does leaving a scar becoz I lost him as my friend and of course i try to avoid seeing my bff too. Becoz i want to protect my feeling. Im not trying to be selfish, but I’m trying to survive. Now they were married and have a baby. All i can say, those time is a mistake. I shouldn’t have bring her to my reunion.. but now I’m more open, I think that guy is not my soulmate. Thats all... but still I had wasted my time.

Then I met this one guy, a guy whose younger by 4 years. He has all the physical criteria that I want as my partner. But appearance doesn’t always win. I think maturity always gonna win my heart. This boy, he likes skinship, *things i hate the most bcoz we aren’t official and we’re not married. He also couldn’t kept his promise and always late. So I left. It makes me feel better. Poor boy, im so sorry. Despite his age I left him because of his lack of common sense. I think he needs time to grow up and be a man. And now he was married. Yeah, i just make it positive, he wasn’t the right guy.

Then I went through a lot of guy who easily come and go. And I was trying to understand whatislovesh*t. What is this thing and i try to study guy’s behavior. At some point I feel like I couldn't understand them. They’re like an alien. Strange. And I’m tired of studying them.

As for this time, I’ve been labeling as old lady becoz of my status, so i try once again to find the right man. But this time I don't want to be hurt. Its like doing an experiment. Hoping that Allah can guide my way and always giving me chances and a way to get to the right person. I'm too lazy to find a man.. huhhh..